No not you. Your loved one, the person you are caring for?  Why do I ask? Because in the beginning, we think we can manage. Maybe we can slow it down, but then the little changes add up, and now it’s a lot different.  We may even be seeing the limits of our ability to provide the proper care on the horizon.  And we are having the little nagging thoughts that maybe it would be best if mom/dad/husband/wife were in a place where they can keep him/her safe. 

But maybe you promised never to put them in one of those places? Maybe they are too “with it” to accept placement?  Maybe you want to wait just a little longer?  At some point, and only you know that place, you are going to either concede that the ability to provide proper care is beyond you, or you are going to start rationalizing excuses.

I don’t want to burst your bubble, rain on your parade, but I don’t want you to burn out either.  Because with burn out very often come serious illness. And the truth is there are places where they provide the care, the environment, and the safety that your family member needs.  Imagine that a board and care is providing for your loved ones needs, so you are free to just spend quality time with them?

By the way, for those of you that are here at this blog for the first time, my name is Donahue Vanderhider, I am a Gerontologist. A big word for “expert on aging”. My training is from the first doctorate program ever started, which is at the University of Southern California and almost 20 years in the field.  I have been on the speakers bureau of the Alzheimer’s Association for much of that time, and I have been the executive director of several licensed assisted living communities in California.

I am telling you all this, because I have seen and counseled hundreds of families like yours.  Sadly, I see the inevitable conclusion, and I want to help you make the most of your time with your loved one.  You may be presenting a tough exterior to the world, but I know that deep down your heart is breaking.  And maybe you feel that you have to in order to keep going day in and day out without breaking down.  I understand, it’s no surprise that they say caregiving is the most stressful thing you can experience.

But I want to help, and I offer you this: if you have a question, ask it!  If you want to share your experience, by all means do so right here!  Many people will see it.  In the coming weeks I will be launching a podcast for families.  Because there is no point in reinventing the wheel. Sign up and get some great guidance. Please stay in touch, if you want to be notified sign up in that box to your left.             

Finally, I don’t want to end without making a pitch for an organization that I have known since they started. As an executive director I have see many families find the right place for their loved one through  this organization:                    It is a free service to families (if you pick a community they will pay “A place for mom” its SOP (standard operating procedure). But you will never pay a cent. In fact, people that use placement agencies often get a lower rate.

Talk to you (literally) very soon…

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Are you caring for one or both of your parents? Chances are, if they are still with us, then you are or you will very very soon.  If you are living with them, or they are living with you the answer is easy – yes.   But be honest, even if they are not living with you, how much are doing for them right now?  Is it more than you were doing a year ago?  It’s a good chance that if your parents are alive you are going to get pulled into their world more than you ever planed.  It is the nature of family to assist our elders when they start to get frail.  But there is a point when it starts to take over our lives.  What starts out as an occasional shopping trip starts to become…more. Pretty soon you are finding your plans always taking into account mom or dad.  You may already feel stretched thin, maybe even a little bit resentful.

So now we are looking at two groups. The dedicated, committed caregiver of which there are over 10 million in the US.  That’s right 10.9 million unpaid caregivers as of this year 2010.  If you are one, do yourself a favor, seriously, sign up on my website, sign up on someone elses website, but stop trying to do it alone. There are people out there trying to help you.

Then there is the other group.  Those of you that are weekend parents to your parents. You are doing the little things, helping them fill prescriptions, get new hearing aides, take them out for a meal, etc.  But its getting worse isn’t it?  Are you getting the phone calls every day? You will. Are you setting up their pills in those weekly containers? You will. Are you thinking they could benefit from one of those senior homes that provide companionship and care? you will.  You will do all that and more. Because if your parents are alive, they are going to need help, they are not as independent as they used to be, and it gets worse.  When you were not looking, you became a parent to your parents.

It is time to do something.  Whatever you are doing for your folks, I can almost guarantee that you’re working harder than you have to, and you’re spending more money than have to, and for every idea you have, somebody else thought about and perfected it!  Look, you are on internet as you read this, right?  Everything you could imagine is here.  But its a big place.  It could take you a while to find what you need, and you might miss some good stuff altogether.  You found this article, and that’s a good start. Why don’t you take me up on my offer: sign up for my list.  I will send you nothing but the best information, on just about any subject that has to do with aging, parents, caregiving, dementia, and much much more.


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But as you realize the amazing revolution that this chemical solution has started, you’ll likely be somewhat doubtful.  It’s only natural that you would wish to know if the facts are there to back it up, the what’s, and the other oddities that come with new and unknown territory.  It always helps  to find out the quantity of folks who have employed a particular type of pill successfully compared to those who used with negative outcomes.  Here is a look into a statistical approach of beneficial medication treatments. Stress escalate in a considerable number of secondary symptoms, eg sleeplessness or exorbitant fatigue, panic attacks, and plenty of different worrying uncomfortable symptoms.  

Data shows worrying details concerning the employment of serotonin inhibitors that the general public are surely not aware of. Anti-depression drugs work for 40%of sufferers, while more current data sets suggest as low as thirty percent.  People acquire normal mood suppressants like Paxil and Zoloft, have recently been revealed to have major problems, and links to psychosis, and and brain tumors. Anxius is the most typically utilized natural alternative choice to depression and agitation.  As it is formulated from herbs with recognized properties to help in for such issues.  

Separately when you become wired, find a place where you can be alone, lie down and then do deep inhalations and exhalations for three minutes.  This should restore your breathing which turns shallow with anxiety and you meet the brain with oxygen as well.  Even if you don’t have zoloft headache you must take breathing pauses each day to alleviate tension and moody feelings.  

These changes alleviate anxiety and depression.  With the pill stuff you can get side effects.  If you have a headache caused by zoloft you should tell your physician about it straight away.  Of course,this headache can simply be a short term thing.  The internal organs wants a bit of time to get used to it and for the help for your anxiety to be in effect.

But as you realize the amazing revolution that this chemical solution has started, you’ll likely be somewhat doubtful.  It’s only natural that you would wish to know if the facts are there to back it up, the what’s, and the other oddities that come with new and unknown territory.  It always helps  to find out the quantity of folks who have employed a particular type of pill successfully compared to those who used with negative outcomes.  Here is a look into a statistical approach of beneficial medication treatments. Stress escalate in a considerable number of secondary symptoms, eg sleeplessness or exorbitant fatigue, panic attacks, and plenty of different worrying uncomfortable symptoms.  

Data shows worrying details concerning the employment of serotonin inhibitors that the general public are surely not aware of. Anti-depression drugs work for 40%of sufferers, while more current data sets suggest as low as thirty percent.  People acquire normal mood suppressants like Paxil and Zoloft, have recently been revealed to have major problems, and links to psychosis, and and brain tumors. Anxius is the most typically utilized natural alternative choice to depression and agitation.  As it is formulated from herbs with recognized properties to help in for such issues.  

Separately when you become wired, find a place where you can be alone, lie down and then do deep inhalations and exhalations for three minutes.  This should restore your breathing which turns shallow with anxiety and you meet the brain with oxygen as well.  Even if you don’t have zoloft headache you must take breathing pauses each day to alleviate tension and moody feelings.  

These changes alleviate anxiety and depression.  With the pill stuff you can get side effects.  If you have a headache caused by zoloft you should tell your physician about it straight away.  Of course,this headache can simply be a short term thing.  The internal organs wants a bit of time to get used to it and for the help for your anxiety to be in effect.

But as you realize the amazing revolution that this chemical solution has started, you’ll likely be somewhat doubtful.  It’s only natural that you would wish to know if the facts are there to back it up, the what’s, and the other oddities that come with new and unknown territory.  It always helps  to find out the quantity of folks who have employed a particular type of pill successfully compared to those who used with negative outcomes.  Here is a look into a statistical approach of beneficial medication treatments. Stress escalate in a considerable number of secondary symptoms, eg sleeplessness or exorbitant fatigue, panic attacks, and plenty of different worrying uncomfortable symptoms.  

Data shows worrying details concerning the employment of serotonin inhibitors that the general public are surely not aware of. Anti-depression drugs work for 40%of sufferers, while more current data sets suggest as low as thirty percent.  People acquire normal mood suppressants like Paxil and Zoloft, have recently been revealed to have major problems, and links to psychosis, and and brain tumors. Anxius is the most typically utilized natural alternative choice to depression and agitation.  As it is formulated from herbs with recognized properties to help in for such issues.  

Separately when you become wired, find a place where you can be alone, lie down and then do deep inhalations and exhalations for three minutes.  This should restore your breathing which turns shallow with anxiety and you meet the brain with oxygen as well.  Even if you don’t have zoloft headache you must take breathing pauses each day to alleviate tension and moody feelings.  

These changes alleviate anxiety and depression.  With the pill stuff you can get side effects.  If you have a headache caused by zoloft you should tell your physician about it straight away.  Of course,this headache can simply be a short term thing.  The internal organs wants a bit of time to get used to it and for the help for your anxiety to be in effect.